The Papal Chase – Cinnamon Roll, Cheeseball, Fish & Pie

pic     Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards    pope 2

Welcome back fellow de-vo-tees!  After another unfortunately long absence, we’re back and we’re ready to fulfill all your culinary curiosities with another round of oddities from the vending machine magnates of mischief!  This week as we celebrate the Papal visit of Pope Francis to the United States, we’ve tried to select a few items that would satisfy even the perky pontiff himself!  A Pope’s gotta eat, right?!  Why not hook up the holiness with some vending delicacies?  Maybe he’ll stop by to partake in what we have to offer from the benevolent box of vending fun (and hopefully one of his peeps will bring some Tums or some club soda…)

Big Texas Cinnamon Roll

cinnamon

A peckish pontiff may decide he needs a little nosh before he steps out to meet the masses at the masses.  What could be better to abdicate his hunger than a Big Texas Cinnamon Roll?  Flaky layers of pastry filled with cinnamon, butter and a nice, sweet sugar glaze?  On second thought, they should include a wet nap lest he get his rosaries sticky.  That could potentially not be a good scene and raise some eyebrows!

Cheeseball & Crackers

cheese

I imagine life in the Vatican can be pretty decent.  I’m sure the Pope has access to some tasty gourmet foods and wine, however, wouldn’t he be surprised to see that as a culture, we embrace the finer things such that we actually have cheeseballs in vending form.  He may be looking for a little snack to share with his entourage, and that would be the perfect treat!?  Cheese in ball form with a side of crackers?!  Holy moley!!  I confess, it’s a good time to be alive!

Fish Sandwich & Strawberry Cream Cheese Pie

fish

Today’s entrée and dessert are an interesting duo that you surely would not want to Passover.  We have a tasty breaded fish on a Kaiser roll with a nice, shiny packet of tartar sauce.  Yum!  And for dessert, you’d be excommunicated if you didn’t enjoy this delightful piece of strawberry cream cheese pie!  Sacrilicious!

Wine Pairing:

Such a broad range of foods requires a bold wine, and luckily, I Noah guy!  This week’s paring is none other than Efeste “Big Papa” Cabernet Sauvignon right from Columbia Valley, Washington!  Across the board, this wine satisfies all religious backgrounds and beliefs with its oaky, chocolate and licorice palate.  Parish the thought of anything else!

Beer Pairing:

This week’s beer is special.  The Cape May Brewing Company in New Jersey have created a special craft beer just for the occasion of the Papal visit.  YoPo Beer (cause “You’re Only Pope Once”) is a special, limited release beer that we’d have to be crazy not to match with this week’s vending items.  How does the Pope make beer?  Hebrews it, of course!

So this week as the people gather and sing praises to the cute little Jesuit Pope in the white hat, let us be grateful for the bounty we have (even in vending form) from those fun disciples of Warren, Ohio.  May they Sheppard us through another week of indigestion and the extraordinary!

pope

Vending Machines for this Occasion:

Here’s an unusual vending machine that actually vends holy candles!

Is there anything they haven’t thought of?  The vending magnates are always sure our needs are met, even if they are spiritual!

vend

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One thought on “The Papal Chase – Cinnamon Roll, Cheeseball, Fish & Pie

  1. I’ve had the fish sandwich. It’s awful, of course, but not as awful as you’d expect. I eat the worst things in the vending machine because 1) I’m HONGRY 2) it freaks out my co-workers 3) I suffer from extreme social anxiety. Yes, I do go to lunch with friends I’m comfortable with, but there’s something comforting about sitting in my cubicle alone with a piping hot…whatever that is. My biggest problem in life (seriously) is that our vending machine guy seems to withhold the tasty meats I crave. Just last week I inspected the offerings and it was all chips, doritos, etc. It’s like he’s punishing me. The “Boss” cheeseburger or (god help me) the hot dog package with 2 hotdogs

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