Burger Quad

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

 After a long hiatus, the Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards has returned!  More mystery!  More intrigue!  More gross items in crinkly cellophane!

 To my returning vendites, welcome back to the frying pan!  For new folks who are just joining the melee, culinary greetings!  I know it’s been a while, but it’s been very exciting to have so many requests for a return to fun vending facts and curious canapes.  I’ve missed bringing them to you and hopefully can get back to a more “normal” schedule!

 That being said… this week we return with an inquisitive quad!  The culinary masterminds of Warren, Ohio have presented us with a rather interesting sandwich foursome, all unique and slightly different, and all gruesome enough to come in vending machine form:

 White Castle Hamburger Sliders

 “The Boss” Cheeseburger

 BBQ Beef Sandwich


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To folks who are new to our awards, the idea isn’t so much that the sandwiches themselves are to be considered “gross”, but the fact that they were made, prepared, wrapped and are now sitting in a vending machine waiting for your $1.75 is slightly on the nasty end of the culinary scale.  Gordon Ramsay would set a whole new level on the swear spectrum with these bad boys, so let’s take a moment to appreciate them!

Let’s start with the initial overall impression.  Each of these fine concoctions has a really alluring film of condensation, just making the item inside mysterious enough for you to wonder “could it really be so tasty, or could that be the start of botulism?”  Hmm….

White Castle Sliders:

Most people know White Castle has those tiny little re-hydrated onions on their sandwich.  So, let’s think about that.  The onion grew, was chopped, de-hydrated, sat, was shipped, re-hydrated, put into these burgers, wrapped, shipped again, and now sits on a shelf in our machine.  It is distinctly possible that Winston Churchill was walking the halls of 10 Downing Street when those onions were harvested.  If that’s the case, I’m thinking the burger might also have a fine aged quality as well…  Spoiler alert: Germany did not win the war, little onions!

“The Boss” Cheeseburger:

Past the smoky botulistic cellophane, one can’t help but admire the natural greyness of the meat patty cleverly peeking at you from outside the bun.  Who doesn’t like their meat just the right shade of mink!  I don’t know, however, if I like the fact that my burger has a bossy attitude.  This one is truly the “bad boy” of the burger lineup.  If this line-up was a boy band, he’d be wearing leather!

BBQ Beef Sandwich:

Typically there’s nothing like a good BBQ beef sandwich.  A nice, tasty beef with a tangy, spicy BBQ sauce just hits the spot, however, I’m thinking there’s a good chance the sauce has probably receded to the bottom of the package, which means the roll could possibly be soggy.  Soggy bread… ewww.


This concept is interesting because the Warrenites have given us the blending of two worlds: an old fashioned American burger with some nice Italian cheese and marinara.  Intriguing…  Kind of like a George Clooney wedding, domestic AND international!!

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 Wine Pairing:  I couldn’t help but feel the only way to go this week was with a deep, domestic hearty red.  This week’s wine is none other than the Aquinas Cabernet Sauvignon from the heart of Napa Valley.  Layered flavors of cherry, tobacco and vanilla from aged oak would be just the right touch to wash down these delightful delicacies!

 Beer Pairing:  Our beer this week is the Samuel Adams Honey Porter.  Again, a nice dark flavor to go with these happy, beefy burgers.  Strong taste, spicy aroma and a slight hint of sweetness match “just right” for these sammies!


To “wrap it up” (pun intended), if you’re feeling peckish and need a little pick-me-up, take a jaunt down to the vending machine of prizes and delights for a tasty treat!  You never know what you’ll find!!

Crazy Vending Machines in the News:

 Check out this vending machine in Beverly Hills that sells caviar!!!  What’s up with that?!



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4 thoughts on “Burger Quad

  1. The only thing missing on your site is that you never seem to actually eat the food. I do. In fact I am known in my building for being willing to try almost everything once. As far as this entry, the Boss Cheeseburger is actually pretty good if you make sure it’s hot. The barbecue beef is not as nasty as you’d think. I would eat it again in a pinch. The PizzaBurger I haven’t encountered and I don’t even eat real White Castles, so I wouldn’t get them out of a vending machine.

    • Thanks MarkyD!! Truth be told, there was an occasion where we tried some of the food. If I can get my act together, I’ll be writing it up and commenting! They had a tasting event and we infiltrated like spies!! I agree, things were better than I thought. For us, it’s just the idea of these things in vending form. Thanks for your comments and thank you for reading and your post! It’s nice to have feedback from someone whose brave and adventurous!

      • Yes, I’ve been waiting for your taste test. Looking forward to it.

        Ironically, the worst thing I’ve had out of our vending machines: a Hot Pocket.

        Next worse: the chili cheese dog with mustard. But I did finish it.

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