Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards
Welcome back culinary travelers!
After another lengthy absence of curious culinary fare, we are back and have brought questionable, eyebrow raising delights from the bowels of the great refrigerated machine. As we’ve moved into the hot summer months, our friendly benefactors of Warren (Ohio, that is…) have responded with some fancy summer selections.
Who knew it was possible for such variety in vending form!
First up in the munching melee…
Ready Pac Bistro Salad combos!
The Mediterranean Salad
Romaine lettuce, roasted red peppers, garbanzo beans, feta cheese, olives and sun dried tomatoes with a light vinaigrette.
All this weighing in at a mere 180 calories! Feta and garbanzos from a machine?!
To heck you say!!
The Turkey and Bacon Cobb Salad
A blend of iceberg and romaine lettuce, chunky bleu cheese dressing,
turkey, hard-boiled egg and bacon.
A more weighty 290 calories, but hey.. WE’VE GOT BACON!! AND EGGS!
(Somebody better crack a window..)
If you have concerns, fear not! These garden goodies have been inspected and approved by the USDA and those crazy Warranties have even included a fork! They’ve thought of everything! One-stop shopping and all the animals of the farm represented in these bowls!
Does lettuce even have a shelf life?? Who knew!?
Now, what’s summer without some type of gelatin dessert? To answer the call, we’ve been given a Triple Treat Gelatin! This gluten free delicacy is called “Triple Treat” for a specific reason. It’s supposed to have three very visible and very defined layers of gelatin. Clearly someone has sabotaged our Triple Treat! Now it’s more like a “Triple Threat”. How, exactly, does one make gelatin look like this?! Somebody might want to get on the horn to Jell-O and see if they have a Hazmat/CSI-type group that may went to investigate! Triple Treat… not so much!
Just so you don’t think I’m off my rocker… here’s what it SHOULD look like…
This next yummy I’m throwing in just for fun. It’s a honey bun… or is it?! I’m not sure if it looks obscene or just gross. After passing by this danish debacle several times, I decided it was just too nasty looking not to throw into the mix. There’s just so many ways I could go with this one, but in the interest of good taste, I’ll just let it go. I KNOW!! RIGHT?!
So by now you’re probably thinking “how are you EVER going to find a wine to pair with all this craziness?!” Fear not fellow diners! We gotcha covered! Our recommendation to balance out the madness of these meals is the Ménage a Trois Rose’. Raspberries, strawberries, floral notes and a light nuttiness seem especially appropriate for this outing.
If you’re going to have a Ménage a Trois wine, why not have the Polygamy Porter for your beer? Makes sense, right? Directly from the Utah Brewers Cooperative, this interesting beverage has hints of chocolate and vanilla with a bit of smoky and a touch of sweet.
So as you sit in the shade and fan yourself, contemplating your next dynamic dining event, consider taking a risk and snacking on the bounty provided. With any luck, you’ll walk away full, happy and without food funk!