Cheesie Joe

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

Welcome to another amazing week of hurricanes, winter registration and gross vending machine food!  This week’s fine fare is another trek back down memory lane and into mom’s kitchen with an item you’re sure to have eaten when you were just a young whippersnapper!  This week I give you…

Cheesie Joe


I’m not sure of the origin of the cheesie Joe, and frankly, I’m too lazy to look it up.  But somewhere in civilized society someone put ground beef (or some other type of mystery meat) in a sauce and poured it over a bun and people freaked out and there was mass culinary hysteria!  The cheese Joe (or sloppy Joe) was born and people everywhere took part, often with tater tots or some other unique side dish.  In the culinary world, it was a good day and the kitchen would never be the same.  The fact that our comrades in Warren, Ohio have found a way to bring this to our local vending machine just reinforces their desire to bring us delectable comfort foods in a nice, compact travel size!  Bravo, Warren, Bravo!

Wine Pairing:  Our cheesie Joe would be greatly enhanced (and possibly palatable) with the 7 Deadly Zins Zinfandel.  Plums, pepper, blueberry and cinnamon flavors make the experience of this delightful wine and sandwich pairing just right!

Beer Pairing:  This week’s beer is Moose Drool beer from Big Sky Brewing.  Just the name of this beer might be grosser than this week’s sandwich, but this brown ale might just be mighty enough to go head to head with our cheesie Joe.

So, whether you’re riding out the storm, or doing battle with online registration, consider this week’s fine comfort food item and embrace the culinary genius that is the cheesy Joe!  You might just go back for seconds!


Chicken Parmesan Sandwich & Hard Boiled Eggs

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

Once again we find ourselves in the presence of the great giver, the chicken.  That crazy little bird continues to grace us with its culinary greatness week after week and today’s treats are no exception.  This week we are fortunate to have two treasures, each one unique in its own gross way.  For your culinary consideration, today I give you…

 Chicken Parmesan Sandwich & Hard Boiled Eggs


The possibility of fine dining from a vending machine should be more than we can hope for, however, the folks of Warren, Ohio like when we’re happy and well fed.    They’ve given us another opportunity to tuck a napkin into our shirt and ask for the wine list with this fine chicken parm sandwich!  A nice, toasty chicken patty covered in mozzarella and rich marinara, all on a nice hard roll and gently tucked into a cellophane wrapper!  Gourmet, ethnic and delicious!

This next item, I’ll admit, is something I’ve really scratched my head on.  We’ve come to expect sandwiches out of a vending machine.  Even salads and energy drinks, but hardboiled eggs?  If you’re looking for a boost of dairy or protein, perhaps this is your lucky day!  Still, I just don’t know if I see people lining up for hard boiled eggs in a vending machine?!  It’s different!  It’s interesting!  And folks…. it’s just plain weird!

Wine pairing:  This week we’re pairing our dishes with Hob Nob Merlot.  This wine brings hints of berries, licorice and currants and would be a fine match with the chicken parm and, if you’re so inclined, our hardboiled eggs.

Beer pairing:  Our beer choice this week is Coors Extra Gold lager.  This slow-brewed, roasted malted beer is just the right beverage for both our chicken parm sandwich and the hardboiled eggs.  Once again, we feel a responsibility to point out the explosivity of such a match up.  Co-workers, beware!

So, this week when you’re pondering the potential of chilled machine snacks, contemplate one of these two fine options and thank the chicken for the great bounty it continues to give!

Savory Meatloaf Sandwich

     Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards  

 This week’s dish is a little bit of comfort food that you’d expect to find straight out of Mom’s kitchen, not necessarily the vending machine of savory and succulence.  This takes me back to memories of cold winter days when you’d come home to find the house full of the aroma of spicy meatloaf slowly cooking in a happy, warm oven.  Throw on some ketchup and bacon, this week I give you…

 Savory Meatloaf Sandwich


The fine culinary aficionados in Warren, Ohio have really outdone themselves this time.  Meatloaf in a vending machine brings us to a whole new level of fine dining, on-the-go style!  This tasty slice of ground beef and spices on a toasty bun will just have you lining up, money in hand.  How could you pass this up?  Ground beef in a vending machine?!  It boggles the mind.  I’m sure no cow ever imagined their bounty of beef would be distilled in such a way!  My how times have changed!  Tell mom not to bother folks and grab your change!

Wine pairing:  This week we’re pairing our meatloaf with Crios de Susana Balbo Rose of Malbec – this fine rose’ has a nice body with bursts of strawberries and cherries.  Light, but yet a nice accompaniment for our meaty loaf.  A good way to refresh the palette in between bites!

Beer pairing:  Our meatloaf demands a flavorful beer and this week we’re matching up our entree with Samuel Adams Black Lager.  This malty, medium-bodied lager is just the right blend to go up against this meaty treat!  Pour a nice, tall cold one and sit back and enjoy!

So the next time Mom calls you for dinner, tell her to take the day off and make a run down to our favorite vending machine of grossness for the savory meatloaf sandwich.  Your taste buds, and probably mom, will thank you!

Chili Dog

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

 Welcome once again, epicurean adventurers and enthusiasts, to the Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards.  This week we take a look at an item that combines most things associated with sports tailgating or, in some cases, gastric distress.  No matter how you package it, this week’s winner brings an explosive combination of spice and beef that’s savory to the palette and effervescent to the colon.  This week I give you…

 Chili Dog


This jaunty little dog is the perfect combination of cheesy chili and an all-beef hot dog (just to clarify, this is either something that was beef or at one time in the presence of beef before it was make cylindrical and slapped on a bun.)  Throw in some corn chips and maybe some potato salad and you’re ready to sit back and party before the big game – or in this case – before your next meeting or class.  As always, we at the VMGIOTW Awards feel it is our culinary responsibility to raise awareness that this type of cuisine could cause a potentially bombastic and bloated intestinal/bowel issue.  If you are going to be in a close quartered meeting or classroom, you might want to consider skipping out on this delicacy.  One should always consider the comfort of others before indulging in a culinary bombshell like this!  Someday perhaps our friends in Warren, Ohio will be kind enough to include antacids inside the package too!

Wine Pairing:  I’m going with a personal favorite for this week’s wine pairing!  Mark West Pino Noir is a delightful little red with just the right combination of flavors!  Hints of berries, orange and coriander make this a good match for our chili dog.  Good stuff and good eatin’!

Beer Pairing: This week our chili is being matched with Dos Equis XX Lager.  Imported from Mexico, this beer has just the right amount of roasted malts and hops to make our chili dog pop!  It’s a good blend here, people!  BUT, again, this combination of beer and chili dog… well, let’s just say you’ve been made abdominally aware!

This week when entertaining your options from the vending machine of sweetness and spice, grab the Tums and come on down for a nice, delicious bit of our chili dog!