All American Submarine

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

** Summer Tour 2012 **

As we the people celebrate our Independence Day, we also get ready to honor another tasty patriotic palate pleaser from the vending machine of pride and allegiance! This week’s winner makes us want to stand up and salute, sing “Grand Old Flag” and watch the fireworks go off in a raging finale! Coming all the way to us from our fine, steadfast friends in Warren, Ohio, I give you…

All American Submarine

Now, one might ask “What exactly is in an All American Submarine? What makes it American?” Simply put “American Cheese and bologna.” (What did you expect people? Beef jerky made by Benjamin Franklin? Get serious!) Warren, Ohio gives us their representation of what it means to live and eat America! A liberal serving of grey meat, steadfast American orange cheese and a tried and true sub roll. God Bless America!!!!

Wine Pairing: Our All American sandwich is paired today with the Seghesio Sonoma Zinfandel. This full-bodied and spicy wine has flavors of mocha, wild berries and licorice that just give just the right notes for a perfect blend. Bologna and zinfandel, a true match made in heaven!

Beer Pairing: The beer pairing today is none other than the Great American Lager, Budweiser. With an over 100 year history of fine beer with barley malt, rice, hops and yeast, Budweiser is like stars to the stripes of our entrée.

As you celebrate the holiday of the 4th, consider this fine, all-American sandwich. It’s everything you will need for a fun, festive holiday!

For past winners, don’t forget to check our blog at:


GIANT Burger!!

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

**Summer Tour 2012**

In the realm of your traditional hamburger, there is the typical patty on a roll and then there is this delicious monster of meat. When the vending machine gods bestow greatness upon us, we can only stand in awe and get our wallets ready to answer the call. This week I give you…

GIANT Burger!!

One big happy hunk of beef charbroil with cheese on a sesame seed bun is the pot at the end of this week’s culinary rainbow!! When your normal burger won’t do, this puppy stands in to fill the need, your stomach and parts beyond! Size does matter people! The hospitable folks from Warren, Ohio want you to know it and offer up this fine sandwich as living proof! The vending machine of opportunity and plenty continues to serve up good times and great memories!

A special side this week for our enormous entrée: New Orleans Kettle Style VOODOO chips! Just the right spice to accompany our cow on a bun, these zippy chips will just make your taste buds dance (or want to stick a pin in something.) So little chips, go do that voodoo that you do so well!

Wine Pairing: A giant burger needs a larger than life wine! This week we’re matching our champion burger with the Catena Zapata Malbec. This complex fruit of the vine brings hints of licorice, dark chocolate, pepper and herbs. Just the right palate combination to match up with our sizable entrée.

Beer Pairing: Again, this treat needs a strong beverage and the Yuengling Black and Tan is ready to step up to the occasion! Hints of caramel and coffee give this beer just the right flavor and boldness to make this match a winner!

So this week when you’re ready to eat and feel that the normal sandwich just won’t do, be sure to swing by and pick up the GIANT burger and Voodoo chips! A big meal for a big appetite!

Vending Machines in the News!
This week I’ve been made privy to a couple vending machine stories in the news and thought they might be worth sharing! The first deals with a vending machine that actually makes pizza to order (cooks it just for you!) and the second talks about a machine that would actually distribute medicinal marijuana. Yes, you heard that right! Clearly we are living in the age of vending machine goodness! Enjoy!

Bacon Cheeseburger

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

 ** Summer Tour 2012 **

Most people will have the occasional craving for some nice, hot, crispy bacon!  Ummm… bacon!  Nothing smells as good cooking and just the happy saltiness of a nice crispy strip has to be one of the best things about any big breakfast!  Now, you say “Gee… what can we possibly do to improve on this salty perfection?”  Sure, you can add eggs or a club sandwich, or you can slide a nice hot, juicy cheeseburger under those slices and get ready for some good old-fashioned chewin’!  For this week’s culinary sensation hot off the grill from Warren, Ohio (but from an alternate machine), I give you…

 Bacon Cheeseburger

The bestowers of culinary kindness have once again delivered a treat that any vending machine would be proud to offer.  This is the total package people!  Not 1, but 2 animals, dairy and fiber all wrapped in a shiny, clear wrapping with a nice colorful label.  Our vending machine of hope and endless possibilities has gifted us once again with a tasty ray of savory sunshine!  Every week is just another exciting adventure in our lives of good vending machine fare!

 Wine Pairing: Justin Cabernet Sauvignon offers a flavorful pairing for our cheesy, meat-laden burger.  With flavors of sweet berries and spicy oak, it’s just the right companion for this delicious dish.

 Beer Pairing: Right from Wisconsin, the Riverwest Stein Beer is just the right match for our pig & cow combo!  With touches of toffee, yeast and toasted malt, this is just the right beer for the job!

 So remember!  This week’s munchies can only be cured by biting into this nice, juicy bit of vending machine heaven!  Pork!  Beef!  Cheese!  The total package for all your vending needs!

Fried Bologna Sandwich

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards
** Summer Tour 2012 **

Upon visiting the refrigerated vending machine of awe and mystery this week, I was shocked to find it virtually empty with a note taped to the front. Apparently the fine folks in Warren, Ohio have decided to give us a big old middle finger for the summer by leaving our machine empty, save for a muffin and a 5 hour energy drink! Bastards!! But, fear not! The note they left sent us on a magical scavenger hunt with directions to another local machine on-site that is filled with all the magic and pixie dust that we have come to embrace as the Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week! Well played Warren, Ohio! So this summer we’re goin’ on tour! Pack your mule and grab your camera as we venture out into parts (and buildings) unknown for this week’s gross item!!


Bologna, the truest form of mystery meat, pan fried, slathered in mayo and slapped on a bun with some cheese is the top-shelf culinary prize that awaits us this week. What’s in bologna? Does anyone really know? When was this sandwich pan fried? During the reign of Henry the 8th? Who knows! All we know is that it has magically come together for us wrapped in pretty, crinkly cellophane paper and can be solely yours for the meager asking price of $2!! TGIF indeed!!

Beer Pairing:
Our fine fried bologna can best be matched with Jimmy’s Red Farmhouse Ale. This light amber ale has just the right mix of hops and candied orange flavor to accent all the right tones of our deliciously fried bologna. Good eatin’ right there!

Wine Pairing:
Our wine choice with this magnificent entree would be the Saint Clair Vicar’s Choice Sauvignon Blanc 2011. Crispy notes of grapefruit, passion fruit and black currant will mingle quite well with this week’s exotic, tasty treat from far off vending machines!

So this week when you need to get out, enjoy the fresh air, and venture off for snacks and unusual vittles, enjoy the tour and check out the Fried Bologna Sandwich! You won’t be disappointed!

StarKist Lunch to Go Mix Your Own Chunk Light Tuna in Water

     Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

 When you go to your typical fine dining type establishment, you expect the “catch of the day” to be just that – the catch of the day.  The fine folks from Warren, Ohio have shown us that we can have the same quality and expectation, even on the go!  How long ago the fish was caught just doesn’t matter anymore!  From the sea to the boat and into our machine, (hopefully) within the same decade!  Today when you’re trying to decide what would most please the palette, think IN the box with this week’s winner…

 StarKist Lunch to Go Mix Your Own Chunk Light Tuna in Water

 What we have here is one stop shopping people!  And not only is it a quick, instant gratification kind of thing, but it’s also “mix your own” so you get the added bonus of having it tailor made to your tastes AND it’s interactive and engaging, kind of like a new computer!  Some assembly required BUT you get a nice, light flaky tuna, packets of mayonnaise and relish and crackers!  Once again I’d like to point out that it’s not necessarily the product here that makes you think “This could be gross” but more the fact that it’s sitting in our alluring vending machine of perpetual treats and temptations with no idea as to the age or origin of the thing.  Tell any French chef that you bought fish from a refrigerated vending machine and you’ll get a slap across the face!  Possibly even an invitation to duel!  Oh yeah, it could happen!

Beer Pairing:  Our tuna would pair well with Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy beer.  With hints of lemon zest and citrus, this crisp, light bodied beer is the perfect companion for our light and flaky fish!

Wine Pairing: The perfect wine for our chicken of the sea is the Moss Wood Ribbon Vale Semillon Sauvignon Blanc.  This fragrant wine with floral notes of apricot, peach and jasmine has just the right flavor palette to enhance this delectable dish!

When considering your daily dining options, contemplate this all-inclusive dining treasure chest from the sea of good and plenty!  Right off the boat (as long as you don’t mind from which decade.)