Quarter Pound Hot Dog

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Awards

Do thoughts of the promiscuous leave you easily startled or do you get a case of the vapors when someone tells you they are going to Intercourse PA on their vacation? Does the idea of carnal cuisine leave you curious and intrigued? If you are the modestly delicate type than you might want to shy away from the red hot vending machine of guilty, sinful pleasures this week! Within you will find something that would make even the most adventurous person blush! Head’s up this week all the way from the red light district of Warren, Ohio, I give you this week’s wiener….

Quarter Pound Hot Dog

I had a visit this week from one of my very best vending machine spies. He told me there was something rather disturbing and certainly gross in the machine. We actually decided to take a field trip and do a hands-on inspection. Imagine my surprise to see this wanton bit of beef! I told him “That looks obscene”. His response “That’s what I thought… but I didn’t want to say it!” This full quarter pound of voluptuous hot dog on a bun just sings out to you as you walk by the machine! It says “look at me!” and is just a bit conceited and a touch cocky! Perhaps it knows it’s the biggest item in the machine… We’re certainly talking more bang for your buck (or in this case $1.75)… The downside to this charming culinary delight, it apparently does not come with condom-ments (sorry, I was specifically told I HAD to say that last comment!)

Wine Pairing: This week’s wine is local, of sorts! It comes to us from Three Brothers Winery in Geneva NY. Poor Limp Richard white wine with floral and hazelnut tones is the perfect match for our amorous little dog! Nothing says beef on a bun better than Poor Limp Richard, and this vino certainly has a little wang to it.

Beer Pairing: The only beer that seemed to perfectly match this week’s winner was Sweet Water Happy Ending Imperial Stout. This beer serves up a big helping of floral and grassy hop goodness with a stiff body and a touch of molasses. In the realm of beer, this little beauty is cock of the walk!

This week when you decide to get your snack on, pop on the Barry White and head on down to the
vending machine of ill-repute for a tasty snack that is our Quarter Pound Hot Dog!

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Sub Station Creation Gourmet Cold Cut Sub

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Award

Today’s interesting creation is what is referred to in some circles as a “hot mess”. This interesting delivery to our vending machine of cheer and distribution has me scratching my head and wondering “Really? What is this?” Today I give you….

Sub Station Creation Gourmet Cold Cut Sub

What is particularly interesting to me is the complete lack of detail on this item. Ok… it’s “gourmet”, but what’s in it? They don’t tell you! It’s mystery meat (pink slime?) and what one can only assume to be American cheese that looks like post-it notes draped across a roll of some sort. It just looks like a disorganized mess wrapped in plastic. In the annals of vending machine fair… this little treasure is an enigma. You buy this little beauty and you are a daring individual who will open up their world to a whole adventure of culinary delight! Good luck with that!

Wine pairing: today we’re going with a simple wine. Smoking Loon Chardonnay it is! This wine has a nice, pronounced buttery bouquet thrown in with a few floral notes and honey. A little bit of everything for our mystery gourmet treat! Pinkies up people!

Beer pairing: This week the beermeister gives us George Killian’s Irish Red. A toasted caramel malt with a touch of subtle sweetness to mingle with our cold cut bomber.

Here’s to gourmet subs and the fine folks in Warren, Ohio, who keep us going week after week! We salute you and your mystery meat!

Salisbury Steak with Mashed Potatoes and Gravy

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Award

Question: what is not by any means a porter house and is as about as English as Kevin Costner playing Robin Hood? Follow that trail of bread crumbs and it just might lead you to this week’s winner! Lords and Ladies, I give you….

Salisbury Steak with Mashed Potatoes and Gravy!

This week those crazy blokes from Warren, Ohio have sent us a delightful, tasty favorite and have yet again filled our refrigerated machine of joy and bliss with dishes that leave us wondering “what’s next?!”

It’s traditional! It’s zero trans-fat! And hey, like the tag line says “Let Mama Feed You!” Somehow we’re lead to believe that someone’s mother is slaving away over a hot stove preparing the cardboard girdled feast of freeze dried potatoes and beef-patty goodness. If that’s the case, mama needs to get a life! But we appreciate her being concerned for and addressing our vending needs!

Wine pairing: This week’s dish requires a tempting pairing of Standish Shiraz. Aromatic with tones of current and black truffle and a woodsy bouquet, this wine is seasoned in French oak and graces us with a full-flavored and succulent palate. A fine match for our steak and potatoes!

Beer pairing: Bass Black & Tan (a combination of the famous Pale Ale and stout) is a solid bulls-eye with our entrée this week. Hints of caramel, plums and nuts are just the right touch to accent this fine fare!

This week when you visit the Mecca that is our machine, think “God Save the Queen, dish out the trifle and pass the tums!”
It just may leave you feeling all warm and jolly!

Jimmy Dean Maple Pancakes & Sausage Griddlecake Sandwiches

Vending Machine Gross Item of the Week Award

This week’s award-winning delicacy brings to mind images of home, mom and a nice, hot, home-made breakfast!

For this week’s winner, I give you…

Jimmy Dean Maple Pancakes & Sausage Griddlecake Sandwiches

Picture it! You wake up and think “wouldn’t today be just a great day for pancakes and sausage? But oh, gee.. look at the time! There’s just no way that’s going to happen today.” Sad panda, right? Well just stop that kind of negative thinking and get yourself dressed and into work because today is your lucky day! The refrigerated vending machine of dream-fulfillment and merry making has brought us yet another gift from the food virtuosos! This hot-toddy is just the right pick me up for any day of the week! Nice hot pancakes with maple flavor bits (that’s right! I said real maple flavor bits!) and a nice, spicy sausage patty will leave you feeling full and satiated and ready for a nap! Good eatin’ in a plastic wrapper. Is life good or what?!

Wine pairing: What goes better with breakfast than Mimosas!? The fine, upstanding mixture of orange juice and champagne is just the perfect touch for our ever-gourmet breakfast-type treat. Nothing says “pass my microwave pancakes” than a lovely fluted glass of mimosa!

Beer pairing: This week our beermeister has given us the recommendation of Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat! With a touch of coriander spice and a dry, tart finish, this beer is just the right friend for our hot breakfast! Not that any of us would drink over breakfast, but IF you did…..

Don’t forget! Breakfast is THE most important meal of the day! Grab $2 and treat yourself to a tasty Jimmy Dean Griddlecake!

Happy Easter Weekend everyone!